HOW SELF-LOVE BREAKS ADDICTION TO VALIDATION

Have you ever noticed how good it feels when someone says, “You did amazing”?
And how quickly that feeling fades?

That’s the trap of external validation.
It gives you a rush. Then leaves you craving more.

I know that cycle. For years, I lived inside it. Every compliment, every “well done,” kept me going.

But when the praise stopped, so did my motivation.

THE HIDDEN TRAP OF APPROVAL

You don’t plan to live for others’ approval; it just happens.
You overdeliver to be seen.
You say yes when you mean no.
You chase “good job” like a finish line that keeps moving.

It’s like training hard but never allowing yourself to rest. You end up exhausted, not stronger.

And here’s the truth: 

The more you chase validation, the further you drift from yourself.

It’s not about ego. It’s about survival.
When your worth depends on what others think, you hand them the keys to your peace.

That’s the real trap… Living your life by someone else’s scoreboard.

WHY YOU CRAVE VALIDATION

We were all taught early that love must be earned.
Be the “good kid.” Get the gold star. Please the teacher.
That pattern doesn’t disappear; it just grows up with you.

Now it’s the boss instead of the parent.
The performance review instead of the report card.

External validation isn’t bad; it’s just temporary.
It’s like candy: sweet at first, but it doesn’t nourish you.

Self-love is the real nourishment.
It’s remembering your worth before anyone else confirms it.

THE MOMENT EVERYTHING CLICKED

My first job was at a start-up agency where I worked directly with the CEO.
I was inexperienced, yet ambitious and hungry to prove myself.

Deadlines were tight. Expectations were high. And I took it all on without hesitation.

Instead of asking for help, I gave up my personal time to keep up. My perfectionism wouldn’t let me rest. Saying “no” felt like failure. Every task became a test of my worth.

Deep down, I was waiting for someone to notice. In group meetings, I hoped to hear “You crushed it” or a simple word of recognition. I just wanted to feel that I was doing enough.

The effort paid off. I was promoted quickly. Leadership title, recognition, praise. Everything I thought I wanted.

But underneath, I was drained.

The week I started my MBA program, it hit me. My job demanded everything. My studies did too. And somewhere between the two, I lost myself.

My job had become my identity. My worth came from being needed and being seen.

During my MBA, that began to change. I started to see success differently.

Confidence wasn’t about overworking or being praised. It came from self-trust and from knowing I was enough, even when no one was watching.

From that moment, everything I did came from a place of love instead of pressure.

That’s when I stopped performing for approval and started showing up for myself.

3 SIMPLE WAYS TO PRACTICE SELF-LOVE

If you find yourself constantly seeking approval, just remember this: 

It’s not your fault. It’s a learned behavior.
But what’s learned can be unlearned.
And what’s forgotten can be remembered.

Here are 3 practices that helped me rebuild my relationship with myself and that I now share with my clients:

1. LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE

Your mind believes every word you say.
If your inner voice sounds like a critic, it’s time to shift the tone.

Try Reframing: when you catch yourself thinking, “I should’ve done better,” replace it with, “I did my best with what I knew.”

That small shift rewires your nervous system for calm instead of chaos.
Kindness is the language of self-trust.

2. REDEFINE WHAT ‘ENOUGH’ MEANS

Most of your standards were borrowed from family, culture, or your career.
But what if you wrote your own definition of success?

Ask Yourself: If I stopped proving myself, what would I start enjoying more?

That single question will change your relationship with achievement.
Because self-love begins where comparison ends.

3. REBUILD TRUST WITH YOURSELF

Self-love isn’t just mindset; it’s consistency.
Every time you keep a promise to yourself, you strengthen that trust.

Just like training your body, the results come from showing up (not from perfection, but repetition).

Start small.
Take that walk. Write for 10 minutes. Rest without guilt.

Each act says: I can count on me.
And that voice becomes louder than any outside approval.

THE FREEDOM OF INNER VALIDATION

When you stop chasing approval, you start living freely.
You stop performing. You start being.
You stop comparing. You start creating.

The approval you’ve been chasing was never missing. It was just buried beneath self-doubt.

When you choose self-love, you reclaim your peace.
And peace is what makes confidence sustainable.

In sports, winning feels incredible… Yet true mastery is when you play for the love of the game.

Life works the same way. The moment you start performing for yourself, you’ve already won.

READY TO LOVE YOURSELF MORE?

If this article resonated with you, take it as a sign to love yourself more.

You can absolutely do this work on your own and with time, you’ll get there.
But if you’re ready to liberate yourself from external validation faster and for good, let’s work together.

Through my Holistic Coaching Approach, I combine Mindset Training, Natural Healing, and Career Development to help you rebuild confidence, trust yourself again, and create peace that lasts.

Book your Free Self-Love Clarity Call today, and start coming home to you

BE YOU FOR YOU®